


Fairest of Them All

by catfishCaper



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/F, Fairy Tale Style, Friends With Benefits, Post-Canon, and then later not fairy tale style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 03:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14803709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catfishCaper/pseuds/catfishCaper
Summary: Long ago, in the faraway Land of Fire, there lived a beautiful princess who would marry no man who could not best her in battle.Or,Tsunade and Mei get with the only people on their level: each other.





	Fairest of Them All

**Author's Note:**

> there's literally 2 other works in this ship and one of them is porn. i mean the other one is really good but still what a fucking travesty.
> 
> i wrote this at 2 am, it's barely edited, but enjoy

Long ago, in the faraway Land of Fire, there was a beautiful princess. She had flowing golden hair and bright brown eyes. More important than her looks, though, was her sharp mind. Her wits had helped her grow into the greatest healer the world had ever seen, and a great fighter besides.

Though she had left the Land of Fire for many years, the sorrow of losing her true love too deep for her to bear, she did one day return to take the crown and become the queen. Her teacher had been murdered by one she once called brother, and there was no choice but for her to take the mantle. She did it with all the grace and dignity she could muster, and soon, Queen Tsunade of the Senju was beloved by all the citizens in the land.

Another thing the princess had, for she had many wonderful qualities, was the blood of the first king of the land. Though she had not inherited much from him besides a name and a little trinket, these things were not unimportant. Many believed she might have inherited other things as well, such as his powers of control over nature.

She had not, but being the queen she was, she let the elders of her kingdom entertain their notions about what she might and might not be able to do. That was, until one fateful day, shortly after her return, when they came to her with a petition that she marry and provide an heir for the kingdom.

She laughed at them. “Marriage? An heir? I am no child you can push around as you please. I am the granddaughter of Senju Hashirama and Uzumaki Mito, and the greatest healer in all the lands. You will leave me now to my work.”

But they persisted, the old men and woman, making their wishes more and more public until all the citizens of the land wondered why the queen refused to take a consort. Still, the queen refused, until it came to light that the elders had been working behind her back, hoping to make her a match.

“Enough,” she cried, storming into one of their secret meetings. “I have heard your wishes, and I concede. I will marry, but I have my conditions. I will not marry anyone who cannot best me in battle. And, whether or not I choose to have children is my business, and that of my spouse. Does this please you?”

Begrudgingly, the elders agreed, and sent forth their best candidates to fight the queen for the title of consort. But the queen destroyed each with little effort. There were those the elders begged to try--the dog warrior with lightning fists, the previous king’s son with breath of fire and knives sharper than the wind, but it was to no avail. Even the Sage of Toads, traveling with the fox child, refused to answer their summons.

The queen thought that would be the end of it, and it was, until years later, when she met the queen of the Land of Water.

This queen, too, was unmarried, though not for lack of trying. But there no men in her land who could measure up to her, and it depressed her. The ingenuity of the queen of Fire, though, was still unmatched, and she devised a clever plan: the two of them would marry to appease the stodgy old fools who ran their nations.

“What of love?” the Water queen asked.

“Love is beautiful, and perhaps in time we will find it in each other,” the Fire queen answered.

“What of children?” the Water queen asked.

“I am the greatest healer in these lands,” the Fire queen answered. “I am sure I could devise something.”

“What of the distance? The differences in our nations, our cultures? What of those who would object?” the Water queen asked.

“I have retired as queen, so the distance need not be. We can teach each other these differences, and as for those who would object, who cares for them?” the Fire queen answered.

So it was agreed, the two of them would marry, and so they did. And, just as the Fire queen had predicted, they learned to love each other very much.

And they both lived happily ever after.

\---

“What the hell is this?” Tsunade grumbled to herself as she flipped through the picture book that had been dropped on her desk. Though she wasn’t on active Hokage duty, she did try to keep abreast of various civilian-produced propaganda. Apparently someone had taken it upon themself to write a  _ picture book  _ about her.

More specifically, her scandalous relationship with the Mizukage. It was kind of a cute story, she thought begrudgingly, but what was all that about her refusing to marry anyone weaker than her? She was just still getting over Dan! And her fling with Mei was nowhere near as romantic as this was making it sound.

The stuff about the Council trying to bribe Hatake and Asuma to marry her was kind of funny, though. She’d have to pass it on to Kurenai, she’d probably get a laugh out of it.

What had really happened was this: one time, after a five Kage summit, which she’d attended in Hatake’s place ( _ someone  _ had come down with a case of “accidentally” getting kicked in the face by Tsunade’s apprentice during training the day before he was supposed to leave), Tsunade and Mei had ended up drinking together. They chatted, which quickly turned to flirting, which quickly turned  _ aggressive.  _ One thing led to another, and Tsunade was having a villa set up in Kiri for the summers, which were so unbearably hot in Konoha, anyway.

They weren’t  _ in love.  _ The story had gotten one thing right, Dan was Tsunade’s true love. But Mei was fun, and smart, and one of the few people who respected her for being something other than Hashirama’s granddaughter. Not once had she asked if Tsunade had the Mokuton! It was refreshing, to say the least.

And they certainly weren’t married. Mei still claimed she was holding out for a nice man to sweep her off her feet, though actually, when was the last time she’d mentioned that? Not in a while. Huh.

But they weren’t in love! Tsunade remembered being in love, the tender feelings in her chest when Dan laughed, the softness he brought out in her that no one could. She’d even thought for a while that she might love Jiraiya, but that had all been buried when he died until enough time had passed that she had gotten over whatever was there.

Tsunade now was harder, after watching so many people die, after the wars. Whatever softness there had been wasn’t going to magically reappear because Mei smiled at her. Mei just made her happy, wasn’t that good enough? They didn’t have to be in  _ love. _

While she brooded, the door eased opn. Shizune. Even after all these years, she was still her faithful apprentice, assistant, and friend. “Tsunade? You have a, uh, surprise visitor.”

“Send them in, please.”

Shizune disappeared, and of all people, Terumi Mei appeared. She sat down in the chair across from Tsunade’s desk (not nearly as large as the one that was Hatake’s now, but still sizeable). She crossed one leg over the other, and picked up the picture book.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a fairy tale, about me. You’re in it too.”

Mei raised an eyebrow and read. After a few minutes, she grinned down at the book, closed it, and put it back on the desk. “We’re in love?”

“That’s what I thought, too!”

“I can’t believe we went marriage first, though,” Mei drawled. “Very unlike me.”

“They’ve reduced you to some kind of doubtful  _ girl. _ And their nobility system is confusing. How could a king retire and have someone not in their family take over?”

Mei smiled. “Something must be on your mind, for you to be complaining about the accuracy of royalty in a children’s book.”

Tsunade rolled her eyes and sat back. “Hardly. I’m just worried the children will think me some sort of crazy strongwoman princess who issues insane challenges to old people, is all.”

“Aren’t you, though? I suppose they left out your gambling, and the drinking. Not very attractive qualities in a queen--ha!” Mei laughed as she dodged the picture book being chucked at her. It flew past her like a bullet and embedded itself in the wall. 

“Anything else you’d like to say?” Tsunade asked sweetly.

“Yes, actually. Kiri is so dreadfully boring this time of year, and I thought I might spend some time with you. Don’t worry, all of my things have been moved into your house. The ward seals were a little annoying, though, and one of my movers was lightly injured. I just wanted to let you know if you get a charge from the hospital, that’s what it is.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes, that’s it.” Mei stood, lightly took Tsunade’s chin, and kissed her over the desk. “I’ll see you at dinner,  _ darling spouse _ .”

“See you then,  _ my beloved wife.” _

And, maybe, they lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> fanfic blog: lydiawhinesaboutfanfiction.tumblr.com  
> regular blog: lydiacatfish.tumblr.com
> 
> come play with me


End file.
